I don't know if my subconscious planted this in my waking mind or if I heard/read it somewhere; I just know it has been plaguing me this week. The speaker is European, the listener is American. I remember the first time I found out that all of France goes on vacation for the entire month of August. Jealousy! And utter disbelief that the world doesn't fall apart when they all stop working. How indoctrinated am I? Why is work the pillar of stability and consistency in our culture? Because we have made it so. The world would not end if we stopped working, the sky would not fall in, and a chicken would not run around screaming about it. So why is it so difficult for us to leave our travail at the office (or restaurant as the case may be) and go home to LIVE? To breathe, to relax, to soak up the glory of a beautiful day, or indulge in the joy of good company. Do you do that? I don't. Work comes home with me every day. I worry about my servers. I obsess over our corporate assessments, customer satisfaction, and the endless to do list I am constantly updating in my mind. Why? Does it make me better at my job? No, actually it doesn't. It makes me stressed which probably makes me worse at my job. Which I sad because I really like my job. But that's all it is. It should not be the definitive part of my life and yet it is. I see my co-workers more than I see my daughter, boyfriend, and parents combined. That strikes me as wrong. I know I only work 10 or so more hours a week than a typically employed person does, but those are 10 hours that I wish I had with my family. In fact, all 50 of those hours I wish I had with them.
I'm sure some of you think that being a stay-at-home mom is an obsolete concept. That with the way our society functions and inflicts costs on a family, there is no way I could ever stay home to just be a mom. I don't want that. I still want employment, I definitely need the mental stimulation--let me tell you, maternity leave is not all it's cracked up to be--I just want both. Call me greedy but I want both. And this post is so that I hold myself accountable to that dream so that it can be an achievable goal and not just an intangible tease of an idea.
I have been blessed beyond measure with joy I never imagined. Being a mother, and in the near future a wife, are blessings I didn't ask for but needed more than I thought possible. So this blessing I am asking for. Because there are people that deserve my best and I want to give it to them.
I think there are things that we could all do to improve our lives, but ultimately, you have to find a way to wash work off when you get home. That will improve it for you. When I get home from work, I know I like to talk about my day with my wife for about 20 minutes (sometimes more, sometimes less) and after that, unless something comes up in conversation, I have cleansed myself of the day. I realize that you and Joe do not live together, but the methodology could still work the same. Vent a little, clean it off, think about life. Lose yourself in a good book or movie. For me, if Ellie's not awake, it's a video game, book, or in my writing.
ReplyDeleteAnd on the note of being a stay at home mom: Kat does it. Anyone who says it's not financially possible, I say, look at us. You can do anything you set your mind to.